300x250 AD TOP

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Tagged under:

10 of the Most Badass Prehistoric Animals

(Otto Jaekel's wing)

Sea scorpions and normal scorpions are two different types of animal. They just happen to share the same body plan. The only difference is that sea scorpions had paddles and that this fucker grew up to 2.5 meters (8 ft). It would have been one of the top predators in the Middle Devonian period some 390 million years ago.

(Spiral saw)

Sharks and their kin have remained relatively unchanged for the past 400 million years. Helicoprion is part of that "kin". Although not a shark itself (it's more closely related to chimeras and rat-tails), this survivor was created in the Carboniferous period 310 million years ago, lived through the Permian, survived the greatest extinction event in history (with 90% of life wiped out. 90 FUCKING PERCENT), and swam on to the early Triassic.

(Fasola crocodile)

The largest terrestrial carnivores are usually dinosaurs. Okay. That's cool. Well, in the Late Triassic, early dinosaurs would have been hunted down by this 10 meter long (33 ft) cousin of the crocodiles. Fasolasuchus is one of the largest non-dinosaur carnivores to have ever lived.

(Winged deity)

Phorosrachids (or Chocobos for those who play Final Fantasy) took on the roles of the dinosaurs after they had died out 65 million years ago. Bipedal, agile, and with an 18 inch beak, it would have ruled South America 15 million years ago with an iron...uh...talon?

(Lizard of the Meuse River)

Sharks are great and all. Like they're pretty docile unless provoked. Mosasaurus would have had those fuckers for breakfast, and maybe some dinosaur on the side. Mosasaurus was one of the largest aquatic predators that had ever evolved. Closely related to the Komodo Dragons and monitor lizards today, this 18 meter long (60 ft) bastard lovechild of a Tyrannosaurus rex, a crocodile, and a submarine made the Late Cretaceous seas the most dangerous of all time.

(Reaper lizard)

Raptors get all the press for having "killer claws" and such. Those are toothpicks compared to what Therizinosaurus has. With claws at 1 meter in length (3 ft), this 10 meter long (33 ft) animal was not like others in its family. Unlike carnivores like T. rex, Therizinosaurus was most likely a herbivore. With like. Meter long claws. Because why the fuck not?

(Eye of Sauron)

Yes, there is a 12 meter long (42 ft) giant carcharodontosaur that lived in Morocco (where the shadows lie) 100 million years ago named after the Dark Lord himself. Why do you ask?

(Terrible crocodile)

A crocodile so large, that it hunted dinosaurs. It hunted. Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are portrayed as these animals that "ruled the earth" and that nothing would have hunted the predators that occupied the lands back then. Haha NOPE. This 12 meter long (42 ft) monstrosity from Texas came along 80 million years ago and then started fucking shit up for the terrible lizards.


(Dunkle's bones)

Imagine you're in the French Revolution. You're one of the nobles about to get their heads lopped off by a guillotine (a recent invention at the time. Thanks Joseph-Ignace Guillotin). You look at the death-machine in front of you and say "Hey, if ever there was an animal that had a mouth like this, I'd never want to meet it!"

Well, that basically was Dunkleosteus. It didn't even have actual teeth. Those blades in its mouth were part of its fucking skull. And at 9 meters long (30 ft), it hunted sharks for 20 million years in the Late Devonian 380 - 360 million years ago.


When you think of Megalodon, you think of this massive, untamed shark that had no predators whatsoever. It ruled the seas 15 million to 2.5 million years ago. Pretty cool. However, 13-12 million years ago, it got its ass handed to it by a whale. THAT HUNTED IT. NAMED AFTER THE VERY BEAST THAT GOD HIMSELF HAD TO KILL IN ORDER TO KEEP IT FROM REPRODUCING, THIS 17.5 METER LONG (57 ft) WHALE HAD FOOT LONG TEETH THAT IT USED TO FUCK MEGALODON'S DAY UP. FOOT LONG TEETH.


Post a Comment

Powered by Blogger.